Today has been a roller coaster of emotions. First I'll start with the happiness and good news Taylor and Ronnie got their engagement pictures done today. Taylor let me give her a complete make-over which was super fun! I basically played life size Barbie! Here's a sneak peek!!
Okay now down to the fun part - my night. Let me tell you it involved Krispy Kreme, some really loud music, crying and this: (bubble bath & diet coke)
So we had this plan to go to sadies in California(six flags) this weekend but my date heist got a new job and had to work and I kept having this overwhelming feeling that I shouldn't go at all. I have been worried sick the last week and I thought I had everything figured out Sunday night (earlier last night) but then my date said he couldn't go. And I made the decision for myself to not go to sadies. Although I was supposed to drive half of the couples (this plan was made about 7:30-8:00 last night so it has not been a plan all along) I felt that even finding another date that I should not be there. I don't know why I had this feeling but I did! My mom said she has the same feeling. So I let my group know this morning and they had called and said how much they " wanted " and NEEDED me to go (they don't have any other options to get to California apparently). So I felt overwhelmed and cried for a while.. I wasn't upset because I let them down, but I was upset because I felt used. They did not offer sympathy for the things that I was dealing with, nor did they ask. They had just wanted me to drive them. I talked with my mom for a long time and we decided what was best for me, and that was to still not go. Even though I had now began to feel guilty. A while later I got a text from another person in the group, which was much more compassionate and had offered for me to join the group in doing something else in town(even though she knew I was dateless). It was nice that someone had been understanding and kind to me. But then I got a phone call from some of the boys and they then did the same thing as the first phone call. Not sure if they understand the situation but it was a big mess and once again left me feeling guilty and crying. As always- I sought comfort from my mom and found my answer...
It is not about who your friends are, how much you love them, or how guilty you feel. Sometimes it has to be about You. And today, I made it about me. What was convenient for me, what made me happy, and what decision I finally felt peace with. Your friends are always going to be your friends, but don't let them take advantage of you or your kindness. It is great to love them and serve them but DO NOT make yourself miserable trying to make anyone else happy. This is something I need to work on in a lot of aspects of my life but tonight my eyes were opened to this concept. I always want everyone to feel happy and included and loved but when I realized I wasn't getting that in return I knew that I needed to find it.
I know that I'm disappointing my friends, but I still love them. I just love myself more and know that my happiness is the most important to me.
Also I'd like to give a little shout out to my mom for being a shoulder to cry on (literally today) and for loving and guiding me. I hope one day I'll be able to love my children the way you love us and protect them as you do. ❤️ (p.s. Thanks for the doughnuts, they made this sucky night a little better.)
